umm, if i had to use one word to describehow i was starting this program it was desperate because i was definitely one of those peoplewho tried everything to achieve a particular weight. so i had a number in my head of what i neededto be and i had that number in my head for almost a decade.
Chaka Khan Weight Loss, by the time i got to this program i was justdesperate to change something. at that point, i'd be lying if i said i didn'tcare about weight at all when i started this program but i was just desperate to...forsomething to change because nothing had changed. it had been 8 years and i'd bounced all upand down in a forty pound scale and i was
just right where i had started, you know,8 or 9 years ago. other than just do it? just do it! do it! i would say some of the cliches, i was a constantdieter and this changed my life. because that's true, i was a constant dieterand this program has changed my life. and i would love to see other people changetheir lives too. but, really what i would want to say, especiallyif i had a friend come up to me and say like, "okay, why would you recommend this programto me?"
i'd say because you're an incredible personand you deserve to know it. let's just start with, i weighed myself everysingle morning. so, no matter what i was doing that day myweight set the tone for that day. so, i would have good days and bad days justbased on whatever number i saw. that was a before that has disappeared. it also has bought me about 10 minutes inthe morning because sometimes i would... i always had to weigh in in my pyjamas andsometimes i would get dressed and forget to weigh myself and i would get undressed andredress into my pyjamas and weigh myself and then get back undressed and into my work clothesso it really saved me a lot of time for starters.
but the biggest thing is when i look backat pictures from old events; when i bought my house, my cousin's wedding, my wedding,any event, i know exactly how much i weighed. i remember these weights in my head and wheni said that to you i got really emotional because it's sad to think that i was rememberingimportant, or at least what should have been fun events in my life, by how much i was weighingat the time, by a number. i'm spending a lot less time thinking abouthow i'm looking and just enjoying the moment. while i'm at the event, because i don't havea number in my head, i'm much better able to just be in the moment and enjoy what'shappening at that event. you know, instead of worrying about, you know,how a 164 pound girl looks in this dress.
you know, i think a part of this journey isreally coming to terms with who i am and being okay with who i am and even if i'm not 100percent in love with exactly how i look in this moment, just knowing that that's notthe most important thing. nowhere in the first couple thoughts abouta friend do i think of what they look like so why am i thinking about how i look first,when i don't think about anybody else that way. i'm one of those people that definitely treatsothers better than i treat myself. so, when people say, you know, would you ever talkto your friend the way you talk to yourself? my answer is almost always no except in thelast 90 days as we've worked through this.
i've gotten a lot better about talking morenicely to myself and treating myself like i would a friend. constant numbers, i'm not a numbers person,i don't know why i'm so attached to these numbers. but the counting calories, the tracking pointsand the weight and what is my weight going to be tomorrow and how many pounds do i haveto lose to lose ten pounds this month because that was always my goal, to lose ten poundsa month. so, you know, okay i only lost one pound thislast week so i have to lose three pounds this week to make up for it.
it just doesn't matter to me the way thatit did and it's very freeing, it's very freeing. and so much more relaxing, like i feel likemy anxiety levels have gone way down because i just don't have to worry as much anymore.
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